What is SM

SM is Safe, Sane and Consensual

SM-Leather-Fetish educational and social organizations consider the cornerstone of SM activity to be the guidelines: “safe, sane, and consensual.” While it is possible to do any activity in a reckless and dangerous manner, SM is no more dangerous than skiing or other thrilling activities.

Safe is being knowledgeable about the techniques and safety concerns involved in what you are doing, and acting in accordance with that knowledge. Safety includes the responsibility of protecting yourself and your partner from STD (sexually transmitted disease) infection including the HIV virus.
While the media often portrays the more extreme SM behaviors, the reality is that most SM play never goes beyond a playful spanking. Just as there are ways to reduce the risk in scuba diving or driving a car, there are ways to reduce the risk and engage in SM behavior safely.
The organized SM community is active in promoting safety seminars and teaching the practitioners how to engage in these behaviors safely. The fact that SM practitioners are not clogging the emergency rooms every weekend, is an indication that these programs are working. If SM injuries were occurring, it seems obvious that the press would be highlighting this for the entertainment of its readers/viewers.

Sane is knowing the difference between fantasy and reality. Fictional accounts of SM are often distorted for fantasy sake, and are not representative of real situations and relationships.
Sane also distinguishes between mental illness and health. A real distinction between mental illness and health is when a behavior pattern causes problems in a person’s life. Washing your hands until the skin is peeling off, or so frequently that you can not otherwise function is a sign mental illness. SM, like any other behavior, can be a sign of psychiatric problems. However the vast majority of its practitioners find that SM enriches and promotes functionality in the other areas of their life.

Consensual is respecting the limits imposed by each participant at all times.
Consent is the prime ingredient of SM. One difference between rape and heterosexual intercourse is consent. One difference between violence and SM is consent. The same behaviors that might be crimes without consent are life-enhancing with consent.
The type and parameters of control are agreed upon by the people involved, and the ongoing consent of all participants is required. Some practitioners use a safeword, which is a designated word that signals the scene must slow down or stop.

If you suspect you or someone you know may be involved in an abusive relationship please contact the TENNESSEE COALITION AGAINST DOMESTIC & SEXUAL VIOLENCE. There are unfortunately some relationships out there that are abusinve and playing off as bdsm. Of course there could be just as many folks out there trying out some bdsm and not quite sure exactly how to do it right, which could appear to some as abuse. It is best left to the professionals to decide.

SM is a Sexual Orientation or Behavior

SM is a sexual orientation or behavior among two or more adult partners. The behavior may include, but is not limited to, the use of physical and/or psychological stimulation to produce sexual arousal and satisfaction. Usually one partner will take an active role (top or dominant) and the other will take a passive role (bottom or submissive). SM practitioners can be heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, transgendered or intersex individuals.

SM is not easily defined; the range of behaviors are quite broad and most participants do not enjoy all of the activities or roles. But most contain the following five commonalities2:

Dominance and submission - the appearance of rule and obedience of one partner over the other

Consensuality - a voluntary agreement to enter into SM “play” (interaction) and to honor certain “limits” (ground rules of how involved and in which direction the play can proceed);

Sexual content - the presumption that the activities have a sexual or erotic meaning;

Mutual definition - the assumption of a shared understanding by the participants that their activities are SM or a similar concept;

Role playing - the participants assume roles either for the interaction or for the relationship that they recognize are not reality.

2Weinberg, M.S., Williams, C.J., & Moser, C.A. (1984). “The social constituents of sadomasochism.” Social Problems, 31, pg. 379-389.

Also see our information about the myth of SM as an illness.

Click here to view the TNAPEX pdf about SM

Click here to view the TNAPEX pdf file on BDSM and the Law.